By Dean Garrison
It took me years and years to figure one thing out about confidence and self-esteem. Once I figured this out, everything else was fairly simple. Here it is:
Confidence and self-esteem are not always deserved. They are not traits that can always be turned on or off. Confidence and self-esteem must be earned.
Once you figure that out, then you can go as far as you want to in life. I mean, why should you feel skinny if you weigh 400 pounds? Why should you feel comfortable in front of the computer when your wife had to show you how to turn it on? Why should you feel confident about approaching that beautiful girl when you haven't showered in three days and shaved in a week? Silly examples for sure, but they prove the point.
You're not going to wake up tomorrow and feel totally confident and full of self-love if today you feel like a loser. It just doesn't work that way. So what's the secret.
The secret is to let your mouth override your brain. The secret is to bite off more than you can chew. The secret is to talk your talk and force yourself into walking the walk. I call it "Frying Pan" self-improvement because the easiest way to improve yourself is to jump in the middle of the most uncomfortable situation you can think of (like a frying pan) and learn as you go.
Let's take ourselves back to the 5th grade. Billy Bob was the bully at school, remember? Six feet tall, 220 pounds while still in grade school. Man, the teachers were even scared of him.
One day, you accidentally looked in his general direction and it was on! Billy Bob told you to be at the flag pole at 3:30. At this point, you confronted one of your first "frying pans." What did you do? Whatever you did had a direct effect on your self-esteem.
If you "chickened out" and told the teachers, then you probably went backward on the confidence scale. You probably still feel some of those effects, even today.
If you went and got your rear kicked, then you probably moved forward. Why? Well, you probably realized that you failed but that it wasn't nearly as bad as you thought it would be.
And if you accidentally gave Billy Bob a tail whoopin', good for you! You're probably now somebody that none of us would like to mess with.
Once you understand the power of a simple choice in your life, you'll start to make the right choices. I, personally, am the type that would have run to the teacher and avoided the situation at all costs. At least I was then. That gave me a lot to overcome later in life. Now I'm not quite that bad. I'm still not the greatest when it comes to confrontations, but I'm definitely getting better. Why? Because now I don't avoid them at all costs. Sometimes I even invite the conflict.
What I learned is that you can actually put your self-improvement into "warp drive" by purposely seeking out uncomfortable situations like this. I'm not talking about picking fights with people. I'm talking about things that are much more substantial--things that can improve every facet of your life by bringing financial rewards to you.
I want to give you some examples of things I've done and maybe that can give you some ideas. Keep in mind that I'm a network marketer, so some of these things may or may not apply to you. But if nothing else, I want you to grasp the concept.
One day I decided that I wanted to learn how to lead a conference call. The problem is that speaking to large groups scares the heck out of me. The solution was simple. I called and scheduled 13 weeks worth of conference calls. I mailed 4,700 letters to prospects and downline members, letting them know that they needed to be there. NOW THERE WAS NO ESCAPE! You see, I purposely painted myself into that corner so I would have to do it. That's how I do things.
When the first call came, I was shaking like a leaf on a tree. I checked the attendance and we were "sold out"--we had filled the room.
So did I do great? Hardly so. My voice was shaky for the first few minutes. But by the end of the call I had a feeling of great accomplishment.
For the next several weeks, I saw my nervousness diminish dramatically and my effectiveness increased. I had earned this degree of confidence.
Back in December of 1995, I lost my job. I was then doing this business part-time. I had $157 in my business bank account. So what did I do? I started my own "downline builder." For those who don't know, a downline builder is like a club for MLM people. It assists in helping them build their business.
I had almost no money and no idea where the money was going to come from. I had no computer. I had no experience with anything quite this big. I just basically had nothing going for me in general. I didn't even have many contacts. But within two years, I had a "downline" of 13,000 people and considerably more than $157 in the bank.
Now I have the confidence and self-esteem to succeed in this business. But please understand that it all started with a simple decision and a commitment to learn as I went. I jumped in the "frying pan" and hoped for the best.
I felt the same way when I set up my first voice mail system, when I first got online, when I put together my first web site and every time I have to learn new software. Oh yes--I did eventually get a computer and I have learned it well.
I remember the first time I wrote an article like this. I was sure that no one would publish it, but I did it anyway. Now I'm an accomplished author who is full of confidence.
I remember the first few times I wrote my own advertising. I was sure that I had no idea what I was doing. And, in some cases, the results backed that up. But now I'm one of the better copywriters around.
I remember the first few times I had to call prospects on the phone. That was scary, but I did it. Now I'm very proficient on the phone.
What I'm telling you is that there's a lot to be said for someone who will "just go out and do it." You'll fall on your face a few times. Just expect that. It can't be any other way. But if you have the guts to try, you'll eventually gain the experience and expertise to "walk your walk."
You see, I know from my experience that there are two types of people in this business and it's probably much the same in other businesses:
• There are people who go do it, and• There are people who sit around and think about doing it
It really is that simple. There are a million seemingly good reasons for you to not start your own business. If you sit around and think about it, you'll find a million more. People who succeed, however, are those willing to take a "leap of faith." They're willing to risk a possible failure so that they might grow toward their goals.
There are dozens of frying pans out there that you could jump into right now, but you won't get anywhere by thinking about it. The more you think about it, the greater the chance that you will talk yourself out of it. But if you simply jump in and do it, your experience can be quite rewarding. It's about learning as you go. No college course can prepare you for everything. No book can spell it all out. There is no substitute for experience.
Your confidence will come as a direct result of that experience. Please understand that. If you have no confidence now, it's because you haven't gone out to earn it yet. With each step, it will grow and grow until eventually you are at the top of the heap trying to explain how you got there. Look at me. I'm living proof.
I'm a college drop out. The job I lost wasn't that great to start with (about $15,000 a year). I had no skills. I had no money. I had no confidence. If you care to know the truth, I even had a cute little drinking problem.
That one simple decision to start, and all the uncomfortable decisions that followed, have changed my life. Now I feel somewhat unstoppable. I don't say that to brag. I just want you to know that there's hope. But you have to possess the guts to start the ball rolling. An object at rest has no momentum. Get in the game. There are dozens of good opportunities in this publication and if those don't suit you, I even have one for you myself.
God Bless You and Good Luck.
Dean Garrison is the publisher of "Revolution," a monthly network marketing training newsletter. Readers can take advantage of a FREE three-month trial subscription by writing Dean at:
Dean Garrison FREEREV-2 P.O. Box 347 Monett, MO 65708
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